As the opinions editor, I realize that these past two years I haven’t explicitly shared an opinion. As my friend put it, my columns have been a series of monthly devotionals. After all, it’s rather ironic to have an opinions editor who doesn’t have any opinions.
In stories, the sassy, opinionated character tends to be the favorite. But in real life, when we encounter those people, they tend to come off as harsh and arrogant. While they may have their fair share of opinions, it becomes a predicament when no one even wants to be around them. Personally, I hold several strong opinions, but I have an unconventional way of sharing my them. And, unfortunately, an opinions column is a poor medium for it.
This tactic came after stumbling upon the realization people don’t care about your opinion. And why should they? They have ones of their own.
So then what’s the purpose of having an argument? Rarely does anyone actually change their mind because pride is in the way. I’ll admit that’s the case for me. If you can’t convince a person to believe the same as you, then why even try?
And, thus, the problem enters. Leaving an impression on someone is not about crafting the best argument. The mentality of “I am right, and let me show you why” has not proven itself to work. Crafting a successful argument is not even about arguing – it’s about asking questions.
People hold fast to their beliefs and the flattery of your interest in their opinion allows them to open up. This presents several advantages. The first being is that most high school students haven’t extensively researched their argument. For several, the extent of their research is some Facebook post an organization published. Lacking a basis for their stance, their argument can be easily unravelled.
If it turns out their belief is more than just an opinion they stole from their parents, the question method can still be just as effective. Fshing for answers on where the basis of their belief came from forces them to reevaluate their opinion. Asking them to help you understand their standpoint not only requires them to open up, you can flavor your questions with your beliefs: If you believe ___, then why is there _____ ?
In short, the argument becomes passive aggressive. The person who asks the questions controls the argument. It brings to surface all of the flaws and errors in your companion’s opinion. The confidence in a belief can be shaken if you ask the right questions.
From first hand experience, I know it can be frustrating to be the person who is being grilled with question after question, mostly because I still hadn’t found answers to at least a few of those questions.
The context in which you share your opinion also holds its significance. Some of the most hostile arguments that I’ve seen occur over Facebook or in the comments section on Youtube. Not only can the written word be interpreted in several ways, the lack of personal connection fosters a more ruthless environment. There’s a reason books are made into movies. Seeing a breathing person rather than a lifeless comment adds a new dynamic. There are emotions, body language, and facial expressions to be read.
With that said, however, the written word holds a power of its own. Opinions columns and editorials are excellent sources for research. As the saying goes, the pen is mightier than the sword. Yet, I would venture to say that this phrase encourages conversation, and conversation involves more than one party. Whatever you say, there will be a response. Positive or negative, you must be prepared to react appropriately, and sometimes that means learning to listen and ask questions. And when all else fails, it’s important to recognize when to walk away especially when the conversation turns from a sharing of beliefs to attacking the person.
