Do you find yourself alone on Saturday nights? Are you planning on going to homecoming “with a group of friends”? Do you constantly get told you have “L Rizz”?

Westminster is full of people who have mastered the art of charisma, or “rizz”, as the younger generation calls it. Some shared their secrets, while others shared their woes. By the time you’re done reading, you’ll be able to pull the girl (or guy) of your dreams.

For those who are not in the know, “L Rizz” is a tendency to get shot down when asking people out, while “W Rizz” is the opposite.

We surveyed many rizz pros, as well as people with little to no rizz, to gather the best information and advice available at the Academy. There were people who claimed to have “W Rizz”, but also some who thought of themselves as having “L Rizz”.

When questioned about his secrets to having “W Rizz”, Alex Shoemaker, a senior who claims to have 10/10 rizz, answered, “[I] repeat everything that Kirk Cousins says and does”.

Caleb Laschinski, US History teacher, rated his rizz a 10/10 as well. “When my cousin, who was 14 or 15 at the time, learned that I got a girlfriend […] he called me ‘the rizzly bear’. […] I do have a girlfriend, and she says I have pretty good rizz […] so I would say a 10/10.”

Upon hearing that Shoemaker rated himself a 10/10 in rizz-ness as well, Laschinski chuckled and said, “Of course he did.”

Even middle schoolers consider themselves to have “W Rizz”. “[…] my classes are allowed to name themselves, and they’ve named themselves “The Rizzlers”. And one of my scholars calls himself “rizzly”, and another calls himself “the rizzard of Oz”.” said Ken Wolfe, middle school English teacher and unicycle rider.

When questioned about his own rizz, Mr. Wolfe said, “In my day? if it comes down to charisma that was enough to charm […] this girl in high school, and my rizz was good enough to, five years later, have her marry me, so… I’d say an eight.”

Those with “W Rizz” were kind enough to provide help for those with “L Rizz”.

“Boesch will train you to be the ultimate rizzler,” said Shoemaker.

“What are my secrets? Being personal and intentional with compliments […] be willing to do anything in terms of service […] do every little thing right. Pay attention to details.” said Laschinski.

Sadly, more people surveyed considered themselves to have “L Rizz”. Many of those surveyed placed themselves in the 1-5 range, having little to no rizz. Some expressed their sadness at their failure to succeed in their rizz.

“[…] in today’s context of rizz? Maybe a three. Doesn’t really matter.” said Wolfe.

Wolfe had a question for people considered to have “W Rizz” today: “Is it true that if you have to tell people you have rizz, then you really don’t [have it]?”

William Jinkins, senior, rated his rizz a 3/10.

“My attempts at “rizzing” somebody up are, best case scenario, completely ignored; worst case scenario, viciously shot down. […] fun fact, rejection feels very bad.  In most cases I choose to not extend my rizz and I opt for repressing any rizz-ires (desire to rizz) to avoid the feeling of rejection. […] being alone rather than being rejected is just the lesser of two evils.” said Jinkins. Yikes.

Although he has “L rizz” himself, Jinkins provided some advice for fellow rizzless individuals.

“Just put yourself out there and try. […] don’t use pickup lines; not only do they never work, but if you’re resorting to using them then you’re probably not attracting the type of attention you’re gonna want in the long term.”

Perhaps the best advice is found in the words of Wolfe: “The people who really have rizz are not concerned about whether or not they have rizz. […] They are themselves, and that’s the confidence […] and the swagger that comes from rizz. […] if you’ve got it, you’ve got it; and if you don’t, you don’t.”