Black and Blue: The Latest Teen Trend
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March 9, 2010 • Christian Davis - Opinions Editor
Filed under Features, Top Stories
Seventeen is the number of strikes he gave her to the head, seventeen is the number of bloody noses and black eyes she’s hidden from her mother, seventeen is the number of excuses she’s made for his violent behavior, seventeen is the number of times she said she would leave, seventeen is how young a domestic violence victim is today.
According to stayteen.org, 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner. While the issue of domestic violence against women in America is nothing new to society, violence in teen dating has become a new sub-epidemic of its own.
“The media romanticizes young teenage relationships in unhealthy ways that sometimes encourages teens to want love even if they have to endure cycles of abuse,” said Kathy Karigan, upper school counselor.
Though they are so young, many teenaged couples as young as thirteen and fourteen are dealing with the traumatic consequences of domestic violence with the severity once only seen in cases with adults and middle-aged couples. Slaps and punches have become the norm in unhealthy teenage relationships.
In most cases of teen dating violence, the guy is the abuser and the girl is the victim. A majority of these teenage abusers are modeling the abusive behavior that they’ve seen in their homes between their parents or lashing out because of their suppressed insecurities.
“The personality type of abusers are usually incredibly charming to lure in their victims, which is why it’s important to keep a strong community around you,” said Karigan.
These guys view their girlfriends as a crutch or an ego booster; thus, when their girlfriends disappoint them in their eyes they feel betrayed or as if they themselves are the victim causing them to react with violence and later justify their actions in their own minds. Nearly eighty percent of girls who have been victims of physical abuse in their dating relationships continue to date the abuser as stated by a women’s issues article.
“Abusive guys can be manipulating and convince the girl that she deserves to be beaten and that the abuse is a consequence of her wrongdoing,” said Karigan.
Teen girls that are being abused by their boyfriends usually stay and endure the abuse because they think that their love will eventually make him stop or because they are scared that if they leave him he will hurt them or himself.
“Shame plays a major role in these relationships; these girls are too ashamed to break the violent cycle because they feel like they have to keep this dark, embarrassing secret,” said Karigan.
Many of the girls who chose to stay in this situation are often dealing with low-self esteem, the desire to be wanted and loved, or dysfunctional family issues.
“Being to controlling or trying to isolate you from your friends and family are warning signs of violence,” said Karigan.
Abanet.org reports that females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group-at a rate almost triple the national average. Abuse, an issue once prominent in the bedrooms of parents, has now found a new home in the whimsical relationships of sixteen-year-olds. This site also states that among female victims of intimate partner violence by a current of former boyfriend, 94% of them were between the ages of 16-19.
Dating violence cannot thrive if it does not remain a private issue; if victims feel safe enough to reach out to friends and family and those who are not in the situation are there to support and comfort, it makes it harder for abusers to prey, isolate, demean, or harm A plethora of organizations and groups have already begun to take the first steps to acknowledging this epidemic and be apart of the solution.
Break the Cycle is an organization with bases in Los Angeles and Washington D.C. that empowers youth to build relationships free from dating violence. It was founded in 1996 and partners with schools, universities, law enforcement, and community groups to help teens break the cycle of abuse. For more information about this organization and to learn more about the prevention of dating violence,visit www.breakthecycle.org
Any teen that has experienced domestic violence or is presently in a violent relationship is encouraged to reach out to either of these organizations for help as well as many others such as the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474.
“No one deserves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused; you’re worth so much more than that as a human being and I encourage you not to be ashamed and to get help,” said Karigan.
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